When I die spread my ashes at Comic Con because that’s probably the only way I’ll ever get there.
one time we got a new kid in fifth grade and he walks right in and sticks his hand under the stapler and staples his hand and just looks at the teacher and goes “I’m going to the nurse” and leaves
Me in the party: Gosh golly! This beat is… Whoo! This beat is… DANDY!
BREAKING NEWS: Lady Gaga splits the ocean and leads the gays to the promised land
i say “fight me” a lot for a girl who is 5”3’ and has a hard time opening some doors because they’re too heavy
so i have two little cousins one is 10 and the other is 7 and my aunt told them they could each say one cuss word and not get in trouble so the older one very politely says “damn” but the younger one stands up on the kitchen table, rips his shirt off and screams “FUUUUUUCCCKKKK” while dive bombing to the floor and my aunt just stood there and stared at him because she couldn’t get mad at him